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“In any group of women who are all equally good-looking, the number of messages they get is highly correlated to the variance: from the pageant queens to the most homely women to the people right in between, the individuals who get the most affection will be the polarizing ones.

And the effect isn’t small—being highly polarizing will in fact get you about 70 percent more messages.

Finally, I met someone, not online but at a friend's wedding, and if I hadn't spent the past 118 months conducting "fieldwork" I would have never had the confidence to ask him to dance in the first place.

Sites like and e Harmony are full of socially awkward folk and middle-aged "creepsters" but conventional wisdom would suggest you've got to kiss a few frogs before your "research" starts to pay off.

That means variance allows you to effectively jump several “leagues” up in the dating pecking order—for example, a very low-rated woman (20th percentile) with high variance in her votes gets hit on as much as a typical woman in the 70th percentile. Moreover, the men giving out those 1s and 2s are not themselves hitting on the women—people practically never contact someone they’ve rated poorly.

It’s that having haters somehow induces everyone else to want you more.

How close to reality are Chinese reality shows really?

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"It was at this point--the point when my date finally confessed to being 49 and not 39 like his profile said-- that I learned what it feels like to chug Chardonnay and subsequently came to understand why people don't generally do shots of wine.

I scheduled double headers, where I'd meet one man for lunch and another for dinner, and eventually I got so comfortable interacting with the opposite sex that my luck in the real world began to improve as well.

By Jane Austen standards, I was a spinster and even though I knew it was futile to measure my love life against a fictional assemblage of nineteenth-century balls and love letters, I couldn't ignore the fact that the majority of my girlfriends had gotten married and moved to the suburbs.

With a copy of the Royal Anthropological Institute's Code of Ethics at a my side (and a cursory knowledge of what worked and what didn't work on Sex and the City), I devised a personal code of conduct to see me through my little research project and agreed, after seven first dates, to meet an eighth prospect from at a bar just of Rittenhouse Square.

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